Failures to Acknowledge Negative Emotions Can Have Serious Consquences
Toxic positivity is a topic that has been gaining momentum. We are in a world of faux positivity. When we avoid conflict by telling only the part of the story that is most easily digested, it destroys our culture. And feeling the pressure to always be upbeat is exhausting. According to Wikipedia, toxic positivity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness.
Chip Dodd, PhD, is the author of The Voice of the Heart, a book that changed my life. Chip’s work is focused on helping professionals, including athletes, CEOs, doctors and others, better understand the purpose of their lives. His mantra is: Helping people see what they were made to be, so they can do what they’re made to do. He teaches that rather than “being happy,” our goal should be to lead a full life. A full life means we feel sadness or frustration or elation and hope. For example, losing a beloved grandparent causes feelings of sadness as you miss them and wish they were still with you. But it also brings about memories of the wonderful things they did and said, and perhaps, their sense of humor or excellent culinary skills. That’s a full life.
As leaders, we must live fully and provide that opportunity for our teams. Rather than “being happy” or spreading toxic positivity, we are better off sharing open communication, active listening and constructive advice. One problem with toxic positivity is that often, the employee knows you are being insincere; they can feel it, and it’s demeaning. On the other hand, and I’ve witnessed this, sometimes the person believes what is said is true and develops a false, unrealistic narrative of their performance. Here’s a true story:
A brand celebrated a new, breakthrough marketing campaign with its team. A person was congratulated for his “amazing creativity” in developing the concept. The problem was, he had not written it; the person showering praise on him had. I later asked her why she did this. She replied, “He was a nightmare to work with on this, and I did all the work. I hoped I’d inspire him to improve next time by puffing him up.” Unfortunately, the opposite happened as the person became convinced that despite his shortcomings, he was invaluable because he was “amazing.” This led to an even lower drop in his performance to the point that coworkers and suppliers demanded he be removed from their team.
Here are some points to consider for combating toxic positivity:
You cannot win a person over or buy your employees’ loyalty through insincere positivity. Most of us have an inner compass that tells us if we are on track. We will usually know if praise or compliments are genuine or not. Leaders will lose credibility and trust when they fall prey to acting like a “white knight,” delivering platitudes instead of open, honest communication.
Differentiate yourself by being sincere, even when it’s inconvenient. If you are known as an honest and caring person who can be counted on, you are likely to deal with difficult situations with compassion—credit to you. Your team will be healthier because of it.
Faux positivity can stifle problem-solving. If you’re looking at everything through rose-colored glasses, it will be harder to spot or acknowledge issues when they arise. Instead, address problems head-on and unleash the creativity of your team to develop solutions that keep you moving in the right direction.
Workplace cultures that are ruled by toxic positivity suppress communication. A team that feels pressured to maintain a positive outlook will be less likely to openly communicate and provide honest input. It erodes trust throughout the organization and can lead to unhappy employees and high turnover.
As Dr. Chip Dodd says, we need to live a full life, not one obscured by false, insincere feel-good statements. Living life on life’s terms means that we will have to struggle with feelings and let them be of benefit. In the latest episode of my podcast, Difference Talks, I talked with Ranaan Meyer, a Grammy and Emmy Award winning musician and founder and artistic director of Honeywell Arts Academy. We discussed embracing your mistakes, not glossing over them with faux positivity, and how they can lead to the greatest creative breakthroughs.